This is not about the title or what you do or ask. Or even how you respond in the moment.
Cognitive behaviour therapy can easily support a change in responses.
But let me tell you, those will not last IF you do not explore your own stuff on a deeper level.
Many wants to be a leader. But without facing yourself, you cannot hold your staff in that depth required as a leader.
So do someone work towards being a leader?
1. Self leadership (the most important of all, in my opinion)
When I was giving training and facilitating for youths, many are confused why do they need to attend a leadership training when they are ‘not leaders’.
Sure, they are not leaders on paper. But everyone is a leader and must be a leader for ourselves.
It is sometimes that surprising adults do not get this as well.
So this is the FIRST thing to look at. (And it forms a foundation to be able to do the other things)
Your facade will break if you attempt to just lead others without self leadership.
What does self leadership look like
- You learn about yourselfYou learn your default and limits. What do you when under stress. What are your self concept. Your beliefs, your thoughts, your reactions. Do you avoid certain things? Do you people please?With these, you can catch yourself when you are the one limiting the team’s potential or affecting the team’s morale.
- You regulate your emotions and reactionsYou do not just react all the time. You lead yourself through difficult situations (and then others later).Because a leader hold the fort not turn around and starting firing at your own people)
- You take responsibility and ownershipResponsibility is your ability to respond. With self regulation, you can take respond to your own mistakes. You can take responsibility for being unclear, to learn to communicate with different people because you can.You will show your people that a mistake is something to learn from.. to better and improve from there.
- You make take care of yourself and feel safeYou keep your nervous system in check so your people do not have to walk to egg shells around you.You take care of your own needs so you are not in survival mode.In less “therapy” tone, you look at your own hierarchy of needs and you take charge to fulfil them.You want to feel good and safe enough to be able to focus on your people, the bigger picture and not having your inner child or fear be out and running while you lead.
2. You learn to communicate clearly
People think that being clear is knowing everything and planning every move.
It isn’t. Being clear is about communicating as it it.
It is communicating in a way that people do not feel confuse.
It also is not about how much information you have. If you have none, communicate that instead of making things up.
If you are unsure, communicate that instead of needing to pretend you are.
3. You remove unnecessary uncertainty
Uncertainties will always be there.
However, it is possible to be the cause of more uncertainties. Don’t be that person.
It is in times of uncertainty that a leader is more important than ever.
Be the leader that is stable and certain in times of uncertainty.
Get clear of objectives and direction, communicate to them clearly.
Know what matters and what is noise. Focus on what matters and be the person to reduce the noise, not add to it.
4. Aim to build something (not just get things done)
Last year, I did my home renovation and there are many instances where a choice needs to be made between something that last instead of just making it work.
A leader wants to build things and people that last not just able to get through that one project.
They focuses on building systems, legacies, backbone, competencies and capacities..
They ask ask questions that helps to build. They care if the process work instead of asking people to ‘just get it done’ or ‘just follow the process’.
5. Get out of people’s way
Learn when to step up and when to step back.
Perpetual micromanaging does no one good. If your people need you to micromanage all the time, or if you feel the need to do so yourself. That points to much deeper problems.
A leader steps up when needed and knows when to step back to let their people have the space to explore, learn and lead.
6. Be honest
Start with yourself.
Be brutally honest. Have the courage to own up to your flaws.
Know that you are not perfect and you do not see everything.
Be comfortable to look at where are you right now on your own journey.
Own up to your mistakes.
This is not just about inward looking. This honesty with self will provide the space to also allow your people to be honest with you on where they are at, what went wrong, what is required.
7. You do what you say you will do
This is building trust and credibility. You mean what you say, you do it and you follow through.
You act on your words, and not have them change as your mood swings.
If you change your mind (for a good reason), communicate so. Share the new direction.
This is not about being fixated. You can go with the flow AND have your words carry weight.
There are so much to say about “how” to be a leader. But what is even more important is the willingness.
At Intune Consultancy, we work with leaders to sharpen their skills AND themselves.
If you are ready to work on or go deeper in this area, reach out.